An important aspect of personal evolution is learning to discern the differences between desires and expectations.
We habitually draw conclusions about everything. It's how we're made. The Expectations we have of people in our lives is no exception. By a certain time in life we've concluded the importance of friendship and family. Those of us that have concluded that they are among the most precious experiences life has to offer, have most likely concluded that everyone else has concluded the same thing. The fact that all of them haven't (or can't) can be a very painful lesson.
Some people in our lives prove over and over again that they can’t be depended upon for conscionable responses or actions. We continue to expect a certain social sense from them and time after time we're disappointed when it isn't there.
Some present themselves in a fashion that seems to concur with our expectations. They may even use and define important words just as we do. Unfortunately, these outward performances can also be masks of the extremely self-centered. In reality, their conclusions and actions are totally dependent on what they think they deserve and desire. Common sense is blinded by self-centeredness.
They don't see through the eyes of tradition and honor, or compassion or The Golden Rule. The differences between us and them are not differences in opinions based on universal information and perspectives. They are differences based on different frames of mind. Literally different types of minds. Different modes of observation and processing. Hence different conclusions.
They don't have the need to "feel good and do right" as siblings or friends because they literally don't have that perspective to work with. They can’t see life through those lenses. They have no "relative perspectives" to consider. They can't see what they're lacking, though they do notice that others respond differently than they do and the closest they can come is imitation. But finally, unfortunately, they don't really "get it".
Altering one's "Expectations of others" sounds simply like a request for an attitude change. And it is; but first, it's something more fundamental. It's a need for new conclusions.
We take many conclusions along with us as we mature, but some need reassessment along the way. So many of our judgments were made through the eyes of assumption, youth or naivete.. . .maybe wishful thinking. It is not a “negative” to re-examine anything through the eyes of experience. It is intelligent though.
We must finally conclude that we're not all the same. And those around us that are severely lacking in consciousness cannot be expected to be like you or I. Ever. One of the keys in handling this phenomena is finally recognizing that:
“You can certainly desire correct responses and actions from extremely self-centered people; but to avoid what can be devastating emotional injury, you simply can’t Expect it.” (Joseph Holbrook ©2011)
